Wade In The Water, Children

So – wanted to take a quick break from talking about the Burma trip, because it’s SONGKRAN, BABY!

Songkran is Thai New Year.  Kind of.  It’s not when the year is held to actually begin anymore, but it was, up until the end of the nineteenth century.  So even though it’s been the Buddhist year 2556 since January, Thai people still wish each other “happy New Year” during Songkran.  The festival takes place at the hottest part of the year, after the burning of the rice paddies has finished, but before the planting season starts.  And the fact that it’s the hottest part of the year is crucial, because the Songkran celebrations are about one thing and one thing only:

DRUNKEN.

WATER.

FIGHTS.

FOR FIVE DAYS.

The festivities kinda-sorta started on Thursday, which is how I got doused by a crowd of Thai bar girls with hoses on my way back from work yesterday. :) (I only live about ten minutes from the office, and was kind of hoping I could dash back home unscathed – with, y’know, my laptop – but no such luck!  I’m just glad I’d picked the waterproof briefcase.  Rule 1 of Songkran:  No electronics if you can possibly help it.  If you desperately need your phone – say, if you’re meeting up with friends – or your camera, you can get waterproof bags designed for them, which have, “Here Comes Trouble!” charmingly printed across them.  But they’re no guarantee.  Today I witnessed a Thai dude actually lose his temper and spike his phone like a football because the water had ruined it.  No paper money, either.)

But today was the first full-on day of madness.

I loaded up my 7-11 water rifle and started the four-mile walk down to the moat during the most brutally hot part of the afternoon.  (Rule 2 of Songkran:  DO NOT DRIVE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.  A key part of the celebrations involves throwing water at people driving past.  It’s all in good fun, sure – but unless you’re Thai, or you have the previous experience to prove that you can take a gallon of ice water to the face while riding a motorcycle in heavy traffic, DO NOT DRIVE.)  I was already baking by the time I crossed the superhighway, given that I was also in pretty dark clothes.  (Rule 3:  Pick clothes that are still opaque when they’re wet.  I discovered that the hard way, when I found out yesterday that the lovely linen skirt I got from Margaret’s mum for Christmas is completely see-through when you’ve just been hosed down by Thai bar girls. :))  So I was actually relieved when I came across my first truck of Thai students with pails of water.

They looked at me, a little unsure.  One of them raised a cup of water questioningly.

I grinned and made “bring-it” gestures.

And they rained down the Biblical flood upon me.

I was soaked to the skin, and it felt really good, actually, under the circumstances – which was all for the best, because once people see that you’ve been doused, it’s game on.  The next four miles were dotted with families and clusters of friends, all armed with hoses, squirt guns, and pans to scoop water out of massive buckets and kiddie pools.  Some politely asked permission before tossing water at me (Rule 4:  Hefting your own gun and grinning devilishly is the best way of saying, “Bring it on,” although a nod and a smile will also do. :)), while others sneak-attacked me, letting me get almost all the way past before squirting me in the back.  One woman very cheerfully let me refill my gun from her pool – before pouncing on me and pouring ice water down my shirt, yelling, “Happy New Year!”  Meanwhile, more trucks were rolling past, each full of laughing young guys sitting around a rain butt, pouring buckets of water on motorcycles, cars, and pedestrians (well, me) alike.  The only exception to the madness seemed to be the Thai deference for age – no one above middle age was getting drenched, and a lot of older Thais were simply sitting in lawn chairs, sipping beer and observing the carnage with amusement. :)

Rule 5, by the way, is this:  Test your weapon extensively before leaving the house.  I’d done a quick dry (heh) run, enough to figure out that the trigger on my gun, despite being real, has no function; the gun fires when you pump the fore-end.  What I didn’t realise was that the gun keeps firing for a period of time after you do this, and doing it repeatedly only delays firing.  I’d have landed a lot more hits if I’d known that!

Rule 6:  Always overestimate the time it will take you to get anywhere on Songkran.  It’s not like walking; it’s like picking your way through enemy territory, having skirmishes every few minutes.  But I eventually made it down to the moat that surrounds the old city of Chiang Mai.

Rule 7:  At the moat, all bets are off.

It was madness.  There were no polite inquiries or exceptions for age here – just a writhing crowd of soaking wet Thais and farangs, whooping, dancing to the beats that poured from a dozen different stages, and hurling moat water at each other at hurricane speeds.  I… actually really enjoyed it!  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I could do it for five or six days running like the Thais do, but it can be a lot of fun to be swept up in a festive crowd like that, where the normal social rules break down.  Plus, I’m secretly five years old, and my inner five-year-old spends a lot more time than she’d like being told to be clean, dry, safe, quiet, and polite to others. :)

And then, as if God himself decided that this looked like fun and he wanted in on it, it poured with rain.  I couldn’t help cracking up at all the people who ran for shelter.  What, do you honestly think you’re going to get wetter?

I watched the parade through Thae Pae Gate, which was awesome, less for the parade itself and more for the crowd’s reactions.  The parade was a string of floats from each of the different wats, each bearing a statue of the Buddha, surrounded by flowers.  Some also had monks riding along.  In one case, a young novice in a jeweled Thai headdress and silk robes was being led on a donkey with flowers woven into its reins.  And every time one of the floats came past, everyone would rush forward… and drench it with water.  It’s a form of worship:  Thai Buddhists also pour water over images of the Buddha when they go to a wat.  But here, it was frenzied; people would run up and pour buckets or bags of perfumed water from the vendors over the Buddha statue, and down the neck and robes of any monks next to it, while the monks would splash everyone in turn with palm leaves dipped in water.  Some of the people at the back of the crowd turned to more drastic measures to pay their respects.  I didn’t know it was acceptable to squirt-gun the Buddha before now. :)

Then I got caught up in a crowd of dancers in front of one of the stages – it was half mosh pit, half Splash Mountain, as both the singers and the other festival goers turned huge hoses on us as we danced.  Eventually, dripping and exhausted, I limped towards home, stopping at Warrorot Market for one of the best khao sois I’ve had here first – it was actually spicy enough that I didn’t have to dump chili in it! – and then at a restaurant at the riverside to drink something coconut-y and watch the few lone floating lanterns rise above the water.

The walk back was less than fun – my shoes were all slimy and slipping off, and while water-throwing is supposed to end when the sun goes down, there were quite a few younger Thais who didn’t get the message on that one.  But now I’m safely ensconced at home, with my multiple jugs of drinking water and my fridge crammed with bread, cheese, eggs, and ramen.  Rule 8 of Songkran:  always, always, always stock up on supplies, so you can go party if you want to, but you don’t need to leave the house if you don’t. :)