So, tonight I went to my first-ever Muay
Thai (Thai boxing) match! My friend Moray (who's visiting for a couple of weeks) and I got some Mexican food for dinner
and then wandered over to the International Thaepae Boxing Stadium,
which is basically a concrete box ringed with bars, with an older
ladyboy (who, I have to say, was totally working her skintight
leopard-print dress) taking tickets at the door. The whole place is lit
up in multicoloured neon and is just the right side of delightfully
seedy (which might be put on for the tourists, but it's still fun). I
only regret that we went so early, because they start playing the Muay
Thai music about half an hour in advance. Unlike traditional Thai music
(or modern Thai pop), Muay Thai music is weird, discordant stuff that
sounds a bit like a bagpipe being run over by a motorcycle. (In fact,
Moray and I speculated that the first Muay Thai match may have occurred
when a motorcycle driver got into a fistfight with a travelling Scottish
bagpiper he'd just run over.) After ten minutes of it, anyone would be
on edge enough to start punching the people around them.
And
then, finally, the lights went down; the first two boxers entered in
their ceremonial headbands to pray at each corner of the ring, followed
by an elaborate, genuflecting dance in the centre; and the music, kind
of hilariously, switched to "The Final Countdown". :)
Thai boxing
is very entertaining to watch - it's more about kicks and knees and
grappling than it is about straight-up punching, and it's a combination
of brutal and weirdly affectionate, as fighters sometimes stay locked in
each others' arms for almost a minute, scrabbling for purchase. Some
of the more experienced fighters pull off acrobatic moves that would
almost look more at home in capoeira. But I meant it about the brutal -
we saw one knockout, one dislocated shoulder (that the coach relocated
on the spot - "Just pop your arm over the ropes there"... *CRAAAACK*),
and one kick to the groin that left the boxer whimpering in pain and
basically pleading with the ref to end the match even before the
countdown (you have to be ready to resume fighting before the count of
ten) was complete. Owww.
Incidentally, I want it on the record
that I successfully picked the winner in five of the six fights - all of
them except the main fight, in fact, which was the only one that went
all five rounds and was won on points. I obviously didn't place a bet,
because VSO might frown on it, or at least on paying for new kneecaps
after I got mine broken by Thai bookies. We DID try to figure out how
to break it to Moray's boss that Moray wouldn't be able to return to the
office, because he'd be going to work in a Thai brothel after I lost
him in a bet. If this seems harsh, I should point out that he was
contemplating selling me to pay for the cost of our dinner in Chiang Dao
on Sunday. :) (Ultimately, though, with my success rate, I don't think
I would have lost Moray in the bet after all. Possibly, I would have
won some other foreigner who'd been unlucky at a previous match.)
After
the first four matches, there was a break, and then five young fighters
came and knelt in a circle in the middle of the ring. One of the refs
went around and, very slowly and ceremoniously, put blindfolds on each
of them. We waited with bated breath: were they going to face off in
pairs for the honour of fighting the next proper bout? Or were there
going to be some kind of blindfolded feats of martial arts?
AND THEN GANGNAM STYLE CAME ON THE SOUND SYSTEM AND ALL FIVE OF THEM KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER.
This
is quite possibly the best piece of entertainment I have ever seen.
The greatest bit was that the ref stayed in the ring to guide them
towards each other, and sometimes one of the boxers would mistakenly
attack him instead. At one point, one fighter started hitting the
ref... and then another started punching him in the head from the other
side... and then all five fighters ended up in a heap on top of him. I'm probably a bad person for laughing at that, but it was absolute gold.
We
ultimately decided that the only thing in the universe that could be
better would be to put Psy in the centre of the ring and have him dance
Gangnam Style while five blindfolded Thai boxers tried to hit him. We
would call this divine sport of the gods "Muay Psy". :)
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